This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
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