My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
