You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
