dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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