We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
