You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
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