I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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