I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
