I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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