we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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