I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
