her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
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