no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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