I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
Someone shit on the floor
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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