New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
