I need help removing her.
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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