hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
She started telling me about this odd patch of smooth skin under her boobs. Not sure if she was hitting on me or looking for free advise from a doctor...
I mean, I still played with her tits for like 20min tho.
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
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