ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
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