Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
