I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
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