aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
