I got chris browned last night
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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