you guys were way drunker than both of me
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
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