Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
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