two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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