Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Want to meet at a cool spot and just park like cops side-by-side and you can eat some potatoes and I can smoke a cigarette in your face?
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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