so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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