We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
