she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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