Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
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