If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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