Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Randomize
