I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
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