I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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