I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Randomize
