Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Randomize
