I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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