Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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