it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
