ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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