i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
