it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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