I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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