nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
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