I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize
