Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
