if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize