I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize