Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
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