i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
