wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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