OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Randomize
