just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
