And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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