There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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