if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Just pissed by glowstick light. Bad idea.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
Randomize
