The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Randomize
