I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
