obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Randomize
