Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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