Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I have surprise drugs for everyone
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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