You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
Randomize
