so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
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