I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
I think my moral compass just broke
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
