First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize