I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
my poor anus
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
