I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
