I bet he comes in French.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
